Beginning, Again.

Image: Chris Isham

I've been here before: standing in front of a door and not sure exactly how to walk through it, but knowing that I have to. I remember this same feeling from six years ago, at the beginning of launching the cake studio. I didn't know what I was doing then either. I had a goal and just enough confidence that everything I didn't know (which was everything) I would figure out. And I did, one step at a time. I had some really supportive industry friends who made helpful introductions and helped me put together a capsule portfolio. I created a website with some really beautiful photos of those faux cakes, and when brides started to call, I designed cakes for them in faith that I'd be able to deliver the real goods when the time came. 

Looking back, I'm forever grateful to those people who helped me take the first step. And I’m still so proud of that girl. She's who I always want to be. Afraid, sure - but stepping out through that fear to pursue something she believes in. I gave it my absolute best shot from day one, but I still wasn't creating anywhere near the level of work that I can today. It can be so easy to get discouraged at the disparity between the level of excellence aspired to and the very unglamorous reality of being a beginner. That frustration is like a less-than-companionable friend, back for an indefinite visit as I prepare to start over, again. Being a beginner means I have everything to reach for, but also that the potential that I sense could be many years away. This quote by Ira Glass (This American Life) inspired me six years ago, and it still speaks to me now: 

"Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through."